Efficiency, sarcasm, and natty fur!

This monkey and this robot once had a system: three blogs for three subjects. But it was complicated and vague and usually ended in feces throwing. So we have combined all three into a melange of media reviews and links and excessive blather, so as to reduce the burden on your short attention span.

In the right column, Monkey + Robot have compiled for you a compendium of sassy, savvy and in the know media reviews and tidbits, for your time-wasting pleasure. And lest you poke at us with sticks or cut off our power supply, the reviews are now selectable through those perky drop-down menus. Monkey + Robot Film and TV reviews, Wrongrobot's Comic Stash, and more.

Grab a chunk of melon and some Demoral, because in the left column, we have accumulated for you every snappy link we found amusing, entertaining, provocatively witty, or frankly, just colorful, with easy to understand small words so monkeybites can follow along. Such is Robotic Root!

Entertainment Media Ratings System:

Wrongrobot's Robot Rating: 1-10 Clicks, more indicating a happier robot!

Monkeybites' Monkey Rating: 1-10 Ooks! More indicating a mouthful of rotting simian teeth and lips curled in monkey pleasure!

IronLung's Robot Rating: 1-10 Clanks! More indicating a red-eyed, slack-jawed, blissed-out, ride-pimped dizzy droid! [this is good]

Vicbot's Robot Rating: 1-10 Whirrs! More indicating data that computes well with others.

Google
WWW http://monkey-plus-robot-reviews.blogspot.com
Wrongrobot's Fantasy Film Casting:
Casting Batman: Year One
Casting The Losers
Casting Richard Zach's Pirate Hunter

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Film Reviews [M+R Review Rating, out of 10 Possible Clicks, or Clanks, or Ooks]

Adventures of Baron Munchausen: 8 Clicks
Aliens Vs. Predator: 1 Clank
Bad Santa: 9 Clicks
Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever: 2 Clicks
Bend it Like Beckham: 8 Clicks
Bourne Supremacy: 10 Clicks
Bowling for Columbine: 8 Clicks
Bubba Ho-Tep: 8 Clanks
Cirque du Soleil- Allegria [stage]: 10 Clicks
Cold Mountain: 7 Clicks
Cutthroat Island: 2 Clicks
Elf: 8 Clicks
Equilibrium: 6 Clicks
Escape From Alcatraz: 7 Clicks
Finding Nemo: 10 Clicks
Girl With a Pearl Earring: 7 Clicks
The Graduate [stage]: 7 Clicks
Hero: 7 Clanks
House of 1000 Corpses: 5 Clanks
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days: 5 Clicks
Hudson Hawk: 6 Clanks
The Hulk: 7 Clicks
Identity: 3 Clicks
Igby Goes Down: 5 Clicks
Intolerable Cruelty: 6 Clicks
I, Robot [trailer commentary][IronLung]
I, Robot [trailer commentary][Wrongrobot]
Kill Bill Vol.1: 10 Clicks
Kill Bill Vol.2 [IronLung]: 9 Clanks
Kill Bill Vol.2 [Wrongrobot]: 10 Clicks
The Last Samurai: 8 Clicks
LotR: Return of the King: 7 Clicks
My Architect: 9 Clicks
Original Kings of Comedy: 7 Clicks
The Phantom: 1 Click
Pirates of the Caribbean: 9 Clicks
The Punisher: 5 Clanks
Secretary: 9 Clicks
Shanghai Knights: 4 Clicks
Spellbound: 7 Clicks
Spider-Man 2: 8 Clanks/ 8 Clicks
Starsky & Hutch: 8 Clicks
Star Trek- Nemesis: 6.5 Clicks
Terminator 3: 5 Clicks, 2 Ooks
The Thin Red Line: 7 Clicks
To Live and Die in LA: 10 Clicks
Troy: n/a
Van Helsing: 4 Clicks, 0 Clanks!
Whale Rider: 8 Clicks

:::
Comic Film Adaptations News [Film and TV]:

Appleseed OAV 2004 6/18/04
Aeon Flux: 2/27/04
9/1/04
9/10/04
Akira Live-Action Film 9/29/04
Animated Batman 2004 9/2/04
Batman Begins: 2/12/04 2/19/04 2/24/04 3/02/04 3/03/04 3/04/04 3/08/04 3/9/04 3/17/04 3/19/04 3/31/04 TRDL Concept Illustration 4/3/04 4/5/04 4/12/04 TRDL Concept Illustration Part 2 4/12/04 4/21/04 4/22/04 4/23/04 4/23/04 4/29/04 5/4/04 Costume Critique 5/4/04 Script Excerpts 5/7/04 6/01/04 6/04/04 6/09/04 6/10/04 6/15/04 6/16/04 7/6/04 7/13/04 7/20/04 7/26/04 7/28/04 Trailer 7/29/04 7/31/04 8/2/04 8/3/04 8/4/04 8/5/04 8/8/04 8/10/04 8/12/04 8/17/04 8/20/04 8/24/04 8/30/04 10/19/04
Battle Angel Alita: 9/10/04
Black Widow 4/29/04
Blade 3: Trinity: 5/4/04 6/11/04
Catwoman: 2/18/04 5/21/04 Game Concept Art 5/21/04 6/11/04 Suckage! 7/29/04
Comic Adaptations 10/13/03
Constantine: 3/08/04 5/14/04
Dazzler?!? 7/7/04
Elektra: 2/19/04 3/29/04 4/23/04 5/14/04 4/29/04 5/4/04 6/10/04 6/18/04 7/1/04 7/2/04 7/6/04 7/29/04 9/20/04 10/13/04
Fantastic Four: 6/16/04 7/8/04 7/14/04 7/15/04 8/3/04 9/20/04
Ghost in the Shell 2: 9/18/04
Global Frequency: 6/15/04 7/16/04 8/17/04
Good Time For Comic Films! 5/14/04
Green Lantern?!?: 7/24/04 Koboshed 8/8/04
Hawaiian Dick: 4/21/04 Interview 4/22/04
He-Man: 10/11/04
Hellboy: 2/12/04 Interview: Del Toro 2/20/04
3/03/04 3/9/04 3/17/04 Personality Test 3/17/04 Figures Released 3/29/04 Toys Addendum 3/30/04 Choose the Next Figures! 4/21/04 Hellboy: An Introduction 3/30/04 Interview: Selma Blair 3/30/04
Interview: Spectral Motion 4/5/04 Caught On Film in '62! 4/21/04 Interview: Selma Blair, CafeFX 4/28/04 Hellboy Collaborator Medical Fund Auction! 5/4/04 DVDs 7/7/04 7/28/04 8/3/04 8/5/04 8/25/04 8/31/04 Hellboy 2: 3/29/04 4/8/04 6/03/04 8/27/04 9/1/04
9/14/04
Hulk 2? 5/4/04 9/7/04

Hulk Op-Ed 7/14/04
Iron Man: 3/03/04 4/23/04 6/10/04 6/28/04 9/14/04
8/2/04 8/10/04
Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD 9/8/04
Preacher FX 4/29/04
Sin City: 3/19/04 4/04/21 4/04/29 4/05/19 5/21/04 6/01/04 6/11/04 7/1/04 7/26/04 7/28/04 7/20/04 8/11/04 9/15/04
Spider-Man 2: 2/18/04 3/29/04
Spider-Man 3: 5/4/04 5/14/04 6/10/04 7/13/04 Spider-Man 2 Game Screenshots 6/8/04 Spider-Man 2 [trailer commentary]
Superman: 5/21/04 6/03/04 6/09/04 6/10/04 6/28/04 7/1/04 7/13/04 7/14/04 7/20/04 8/5/04 8/10/04 8/27/04 8/31/04 9/10/04 9/15/04 10/19/04 [2] 10/19/04
Transformers: 9/10/04
Wanted 3/03/04
Watchmen: 4/4/23 4/7/24 7/24/24 8/12/04 9/10/04
Wolverine: 10/13/04
X-Men 3: 7/20/04 5/4/04 6/18/04 7/7/04 7/8/04 7/14/04 7/15/04 7/20/04 8/27/04 Aborted Sentinel? 9/2/04 9/7/04 9/15/04

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Film News, General:

A Scanner Darkly Film Adaptation
Akira: Kaneda's Bike in Production? 8/28/04
Aliens Vs. Predator: 6/2/04 Chess Set 5/26/04 6/8/04 Trailor 6/11/04 6/28/04 7/8/04 [trailer commentary] 8/5/04 8/8/04 7/15/04 8/12/04
Anchorman 7/13/04
Big Lebowski Day! 5/5/04
Bloodrayne 8/10/04
Bond? Who Bond? 8/3/04
Bourne Supremacy: 1/6/04 Trailer: 5/4/04 7/8/04
Cage Deserves Happiness 7/31/04
Clooney/ Tarantino in the News 10/15/03
Dodgeball 6/01/04
Domino 8/3/04
HEAT vs. R:HD: Dialog Analysis 10/22/03
Heat/ GTA III: Lawsuits Imitate Life 10/23/03
Incredibles 8/23/04
Jim White Documentary 3/23/04
Kill Bill 2 Poster 2/18/04
Kill Bill Interview: Uma Thurman 4/8/04
Kill Bill Vol. 3?! 4/12/04
The Life Aquatic 1/15/04
Matrix Explained? 8/31/04
National Treasure 8/4/04
Nowhere Man 7/26/04
Pierce is Bond No More 7/27/04
Sky Captain 7/15/04
Sky High 8/17/04
Soderberg Joins Che 4/5/04
Speed Racer: Vince Vaughn 6/25/04
Stealth 7/8/04
Summer 04 Films to Watch 4/22/04
Team America Puppet Porn 8/25/04
Transporter 2 6/16/04
Van Helsing: Van Helsing WHO? 3/16/04 Interview: ILM 5/5/04 Penny Arcade 5/18/04
Underworld 2 9/7/04
WB Kills ESC F/X 8/18/04
Will Smith Lexicon 5/18/04
Zatoichi: Blind Swordsman 6/25/04
No Mas James Bond
Miami Vice on the Big Screen

:::
TV Reviews, and the M+R Review Rating, out of 10 Possible Clicks, or Clanks, or Ooks

24 Season 3: 10/29/03: 8 Whirrs 11/5/03: 6 Whirrs 2/08/04: 7 Whirrs 2/12/04: 8 Whirrs 2/18/04: 8 Whirrs 2/24/04: 9 Whirrs 4/06/04: 7 Whirrs 4/26/04: 6 Whirrs 5/03/04: 3 Whirrs 5/11/04: 9 Whirrs 5/18/04: 8 Whirrs Finale 7/8/04: 3 Whirrs
Apprentice: Robin and Carolyn 4/16/04
ATHF and Space Ghost Links 2/25/04
ATHF: Revenge of the Trees 10/13/03: 8 Clicks The Shaving 10/27/03: 7 Clicks Super Trivia 9/22/03: 8 Clicks Battlestar Galactica 1/13/04: 3 Clicks
Carnivale: 9/22/03: 10 Clicks 9/30/03: 9 Clicks
Christopher Columbus: Secrets From the Grave: 3 Clicks
CSI: 8/11/03: 1 Ook 9/26/03: 5 Clicks CSI: Miami: 7/30/03: 1 Ook 7/31/03: 6 Clicks 9/26/03: 7 Clicks
Deadwood 3/24/04: 8 Clicks
Dinner for Five: 9/26/03: 7 Clicks 9/30/03: 7 Clicks
Ed: 9/26/03: 3 Clicks Series Finale 2/12/04: 7 Clicks
Emmy Nominations 04 7/15/04: 7 Clicks
Enterprise 10/13/03: 6 Clicks
Everybody Loves Raymond 9/26/03: 6 Clicks
Friends 9/26/03: 7 Clicks
Grammys: Outkast's Andre 3000 2/9/04: 10 Clicks
Law and Order Family: 9/30/03: 8 Clicks
Law and Order: 10/13/03
Law and Order: CI: 1/12/04: 8 Clicks
Marvel Comics Guide to NYC: 10 Clicks
Method and Red: 9 Clicks
MI-5 10/28/03: 10 Clicks
Mix It Up 1/12/04: 8 Clicks
Mr. Show: What to Think 9/10/03: 10 Clicks
Penn & Teller's Bullshit: 9 Clanks
Reno 911!: 9 Clicks 9/7/03
Space Ghost C2C: Baffler Meal: 11 Clicks! Flipmode 2/25/04:20 Clicks Survivor 7 9/19/03: 8 Clicks
Survivor All-Stars: 2/12/04: 8 Clicks 2/13/04: 7 Clicks Tour de France 2003 8/4/03: 8 Clicks
Will & Grace 9/26/03: 7 Clicks

:::
TV News

24/Law and Order/CSI "That Guy" Character Actor Tracker
24: Comic Adaption 3/25/04 Season 4 Casting 8/9/04
Amazing Screw-On Head Cartoon 4/8/04
Cigarette Smoking Man Action Figure 5/26/04
CSI: CSI in Comedy Culture 6/24/04 CSI's Peterson 2/18/04 Sick outs Everywhere 7/27/04
CSI: Miami Drinking Game 2/27/04 No Mas Rory Cochrane 8/9/04
CSI:NY: 3/8/04 3/16/04 Drawn Together 8/20/04
HDTV ScreenCap Archive 8/25/04
Jessica Simpson 10/21/03
Mastershake Speaks 9/7/04
Nike's Lance Commercial: Magnet 8/18/04
Law and Order: Trial by Jury Casting 6/04/04
NBC Hijacks TiVo 1/15/04
Simpsons' Shearer Balks 8/12/04
Survivor All-Stars Cast 1/12/04
Survivor 9 8/18/04
Robbery: Homicide Division Music 9/30/03

French Connection Made for TV


:::

Wrongrobot's Comics Stash- Comics and Sequential Art Reviews

Comic Reviews, and the M+R Review Rating, out of 10 Possible Clicks, or Clanks, or Ooks

Comics Reviews Intro
100 Bullets: 48: 7 Clicks
52, 53: 8 Clicks
9-11, Artists Respond Collections
Alias: 24-25: 10 Clicks 26-27: 10 Clicks 28: 9 Clicks
Astonishing X-Men: 2: 8 Clicks 3,4: 9,10 Clicks
Avengers: 500: 8 Clicks 502: 7 Clicks
Batgirl Year One TPB: 10 Clicks
Batman: 620: 5 Clicks 621: 7 Clicks
Batman: Long Halloween: 7 Clanks
Bloodstream 1: 1 Click
BPRD One Shots: 9/7 Clicks
Cla$$War: 4: 8 Clicks 5: 10 Clicks
Daredevil: 50-52: 9/3/5 Clicks 54: 4 Clicks 56: 9 Clicks 57: 7 Clicks
65: 6 Clicks
Domino:Perfect Weapon: 8 Clicks
Exiles: 30-33: 6/4/4 Clicks 36-37: 3/6 Clicks
Ex Machina: 2, 3: 7 Clicks
Global Frequency 11: 10 Clicks
Gotham Central: 10-11: 9 Clicks 13: 9 Clicks 16-18: 9 Clicks
Hellhounds 1-3: 7 Clicks
Human Target: 4: 9 Clicks 5-6: 8 Clicks 7: 8 Clicks
12, 13: 9 Clicks
Iron Man: 73-75: 8 Clicks 76: 2 Clicks 77: 5 Clicks 86: 9 Clicks
JSA: 51-52: 7/8 Clicks 53: 8 Clicks 54: 4 Clicks 56-57: 7 Clicks 58: 3 Clicks
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen 2: 3 Clanks, 8 Clicks
The Losers: Ante Up TPB: 9 Clanks 6: 10 Clicks 10-11: 8/10 Clicks
16: 10 Clicks
New Invaders 0: 3 Clicks
New X-Men: 144-146: 5 Clicks 149: 3 Clicks 151-152: 2 Clicks 153: 3 Clicks
[Renamed X-Men] 159-162: 4 Clicks
Paradise X: A: 9 Clicks
Planetary: TPBs (1-12): 8 Clicks 16: 5 Clicks : 8 Clicks 18: 9 Clicks
Powers: 33: 8 Clicks 36: 9 Clicks 37: 10 Clicks V2, 1: 10 Clicks
2-4: 10 Clicks
Pulse: 5: 7 Clicks
Queen and Country: 20: 10 Clicks 21: 10 Clicks 25: 8 Clicks
The Ride 1: 9 Clicks
Secret War 1: 8 Clicks
Sleeper: 8: 10 Clicks 11: 10 Clicks 12: 10 Clicks Sleeper Season Two: 1: 10 Clicks
Supreme Power: 1-2: 10 Clicks 4: 10 Clicks 7: 10 Clicks 8: 9 Clicks 11: 8 Clicks
Tokyo Storm Warning TPB: 5 Clicks
Ultimates: 12: 10 Clicks 13: 10 Clicks
Ultimate Fantastic Four 1-2: 7 Clicks 3: 8 Clicks
Ultimate Nightmare: 1: 10 Clicks
2: 8 Clicks
Ultimate Six: 1: 10 Clicks 4: 10 Clicks 6: 9 Clicks Ultimate X-Men: 36-37: 2 Clicks
Ultra: 2: 9 Clicks
Uncanny X-Men: 429-431: 4 Clicks 433: 2 Clicks 437-441: 1 Click 444-445: 5 Clicks 446: 6 Clicks
Wanted 2: 10 Clicks
We3: 1: 10 Clicks
Wildcats 3.0: 13: 7 Clicks 16: 7 Clicks 18: 7 Clicks
X-Statix : 2: 4 Clicks 13-15: 6 Clicks 18: 4 Clicks 19: 3 Clicks

:::
Friends of Robot: Artists:

FoR: 36Oh.net FofR: Enrico Casarosa
FoR: Terra Major's Horns of Hattin
FoR: Losstarot
FoR: Prometheus
FoR: Studio Kosen

Comic News:

Check the Film News section for updates on comic-related film adaptations! 100 Bullets FPS Game 4/2/04
Ale Garza on Batgirl 8/5/04
Amazing Screw-On Head Cartoon 4/8/04
Apparat Line: Warren Ellis 8/25/04
The Atomic Revolution Comic 3/23/04
Authority: Nguyen Interview 5/14/04
Authority OGN 7/20/04
Avengers 500 Preview 7/1/04
Brent Anderson on Pulse, Astro City 3/25/04
Batman Begins Costume Illustration [Wrongrobot]4/3/04
Batman: War on Crime 8/31/04
Bullseye Origin Series 6/28/04
Comics For Intellectuals 9/1/04
Decompression and Pacing 9/23/03
Dillon on Bullseye 9/7/04
Doc Frankenstein by Burlyman 9/2/04
Doc Ock Year One 6/16/04
Earth's Mightiest Mini 9/3/04
Ellis and Granov on Iron Man 5/25/04
Ellis Stream-a-Blog: Iron Man 7/31/04
Ellis Stream-a-Blog: Explodo 8/2/04
Ellis Stream-a-Blog: Bad Kids 8/27/04
Fox Sued over LoEG Script 9/26/03
Hawaiian Dick Bk 2 8/23/04
Hack/Slash book 2 6/18/04
Hal Jordon and Copyrights 8/20/04
Hellboy: An Introduction 3/30/04
IDW's 24 Comic 3/25/04
Iron Man Facelift 9/12/03
Iron Man 87 Outtakes 8/27/04
Joss Whedon Interview: Astonishing X-Men 8/10/04
JSA vs. JSA 8/12/04
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen 3 6/1/04
Marvel Vs. DC 8/31/04
Masamune Shirow 10/15/03
Micro-Heros Animated GIFs 4/6/04
Morrison on JLA: Hyperclan and Superman 6/1/04
Morrison's WE3 9/1/04
New Avengers 8/18/04
Nguyen Confirmed on Authority Vol.3 5/14/04
Nouvelle Manga Manifesto 6/11/03
Ocean 8/9/04
Orson Welles as Batman? 9/26/03
Phoenix Mini-Series 8/20/04
Poorly Drawn Animals 8/2/04
Remains: Niles/Dwyer Interview 3/12/04
Scurvy Dog: Yount Interview 1/15/04
SD Comicon Visual Oddities 7/31/04
Space Ghost 7/31/04
Spandex vs Leather 4/6/04
Steven Grant on 'Literature of Ethics'
The Losers: Diggle/Jock Interview 3/11/04
The Picture of Everything 1/15/04
The Question: Rick Veitch 9/1/04
The Question: Tommy Lee Edwards 9/2/04
Teddy Roosevelt From Mars 8/20/04
Tom Coker: Batman in Monolith 8/30/04
Tony Harris Pages from new Iron Man Arc
Ultimates: Bryan Hitch Interview 9/12/03
Ultra 8/18/04
Watchmen Remembered 8/12/04
WizardWorld LA Promo Art 3/22/04
WonderCon 2004 Buzz 8/13/04
WonderCon 2004 Buzz 2 8/17/04
WonderCon 2004 Dance-Off 8/18/04
Worlds Finest Film 7/26/04
World's Finest Interview 8/4/04
Young Avengers 8/20/04
Identity Crisis Covers
Honey Moon, The Ride, Rex Steele, Shirow, Megacity909
Comic Preview: Intimates, Iron Man
TSR Illustrator Terminally ill
Twinkie Comics, Avengers Dissembled Toy-style
Interview: Mark Millar of Ultimates
Interview: Cliff Chiang of Human Target
Star Trek Manga Anthology from Tokyopop
Pop Mahn to TokyoPop
Granov Iron Man Preview Pages
Image Comics Moves to Berkeley

TV Review: 24 04/26/04
4/27/2004

After a short hiatus, Vicbot is back when two weeks worth of mini-reviews for 24. In addition, Wrongrobot has peppered this review with subliminal images of 24 characters we want to see back, in a hurry...

:::

Well, Vicbot admits it, he's been bad. But ever since George Bush pre-empted 24 with his lame press conference 2 weeks ago (after which I fully expected to see a "brought to you by the New Ford F150" spot), I've been protesting. But now it's about time to get back to some issues almost as unbelievable as those put forth by Bush...


[Mandy the Assassin...rub poison skin on this robot, please. Immediately.---------pop! pop! 000100101101001111- reboot]

6am- 7am
After Wayne avidly defends the need for killing Chappelle ("c'mon, David - he's just a mid-level blue-shirt bureaucrat..."), Palmer contacts Jack and informs him of his decision. Though seemingly confused and stunned by the news, we can tell that Jack is secretly bubbling with joy. After a typical argument with Super Chloe, Jack finally convinces her to transfer the search for Saunders back to CTU without telling Chappelle ("but he's already mad at me about six other things..."). Tony finally starts to have some sort of meaningful husband/wife conversation with Michelle, but basically flakes out and doesn't want to discuss it with her until she's actually dead.

Jack shares the news of Chappelle impending doom with Tony, and after a metal high-five between the two of them, they decide not to tell anyone else and downgrade Chappelle's clearance in case he becomes a flight risk.
Chappelle finally confronts Jack on what his conversation with Palmer was about, and Jack reveals the entire situation. Chappelle is not terribly excited about the direction things are going, and can't understand why Saunders would want him dead, unless it has something to do with the money trail he's been tracing. Jack encourages him to send whatever info he has to Chloe so they can try to find Saunders before the hour is up, or at least complete the work in the next episode.


[We love that bastard- keep winking you rogue!!!]

At the hotel of pain, Melrose Place security guy starts bleeding from the head and begs Michelle to let him call his wife before his vocal chords melt. Though she gives him the puppy-dog eyes, she won't let him, and then goes on to tell everyone else that they are going to die, and look, here are some nice pills to help you sleep better. Then she discovers that someone has actually managed to leave the hotel - a one night stand gone horribly awry. Well, it is a hotel after all. No name, no photo, no nothing. The only hope is to lift some finger prints off the hotel room.
Can you lift prints off a person? Well, they finally find a partial print on her belt buckle and send it to CTU for analysis.

Chappelle finds a promising bank account but it is encrypted, and he's getting less happy by the minute. Chloe starts working on it, and Jack tells her to make it her top priority, and she's getting less happy by the minute, and says it may take 90 of those unhappy minutes to break the encryption. Jack won't tell her why, but in good manager fashion just tells her to work faster. There is now a helicopter waiting to take Chappelle away and a strike team assembled in case the find Saunders. The Chappelle disappears. He is stopped by a finally useful CTU security guard trying to leave the building. Jack confronts him and Chappelle becomes indignant and claims he was just off to smoke a cigarette, not flee to Cuba. Jack forces him back into the building under guard and Chappelle tosses a pack of cigarettes at him in a very Ha I told You So But I'm Going to Die Anyway fashion.

One Night Stand man returns to his house to lie to his sleeping wife that he was out working late, and goes into the bathroom to clean up. Of course he then starts bleeding profusely from the nose. Really, really, really unsafe sex.


[Sure. He's dead. But I want him back just so we can see Jack go 'Baur' on his ass once more]

Super Chloe, after a mere 10 minutes, decrypts the bank files and finds a series of addresses, one conveniently in LA that called in a transfer a short time ago. Chase and crew are sent to raid the apartment.
Chappelle's momentary joy is quickly crushed by Jack who leads him to the waiting black hearse, er, helicopter, just in case the raid goes bad. No way that could happen. Chase of course confronts Jack on the roof about what is going on, and Jack tells him to back off and do his job. So off to the raid with him. There are several men outside the apartment building, and Chase manages to take them all out before they have opportunity to notify Saunders. As they move into the building, which Saunders has wired with cameras, Saunders conveniently looks away from the monitor every time an agent appears on screen. As they finally storm the apartment, they are disappointed to find (but not as disappointed a Chappelle who has been listening in) only a phone switching station and no Saunders. Also no bomb or vicious virus releasers which Vicbot thinks would have been much more fun.

CTU narrows the search for One Night Stand man down to 300 possibilities and sends them to the hotel for review by Not So Choosey Girl, who eventually identifies the man. Back in his bathroom, he is sweating and bleeding, bleeding and sweating, and telling his wife he has to go into work.


[Lynn! Lynn! To hell with a debilatating neck injury from a staircase massacre and a creepy hand squeeze from evil Mike...get back in those heels you don't need at that height!]

Saunders calls Jack on the helicopter and gives him instructions for leaving Chappelle's body with a black van. If he doesn't the virus will be released. Jack has CTU ready satellite tracking to try to follow the van, and helps Chappelle out of the helicopter. After some touching moments, well, not actually, Jack has Chappelle get on his knees and gets ready to shoot him execution style in the back of the head. Chappelle pleads with Jack to let him do it himself, but can't bring himself to do it after Jack reluctantly gives him the gun. Jack retrieves it and after a "God help me"
type comment, fires.



7am - 8am
As Chappelle's bureaucratic body slumps to the ground, the men in the black van rush in and scour the body for tracking devices as Jack points a gun at them but does nothing. As they haul the body into the van. he is warned that if he follows them the virus will be released. Jack calls Wayne and lets him know that the deed has been done. The President says he will not give into any more demands and orders the Cabinet convened.

The money trail Chappelle had been following leads to Saunder's mystery daughter (maybe, just for fun, this will turn out to be the mother of Chase's mystery baby!). Jack suggests substituting an agent for her before picking her up because Saunders most likely has someone watching her. So Super Chloe begins a search to find CTU agents matching her description (hmmmm...I smell a cougar). Surprisingly, the closest match in the area is Calamity Kim. Tony briefs Kim on the situation, and she agrees to take on the assignment, but only if there is a cute loner boy and a bear trap involved. Chloe, for some reason, is upset that Kim agrees to this.


[Who dat? Who cares, but she showed up in Season 1 and looked saucy...]

Chase has tracked One Night Stand Man to his home address and, through a gas mask questions his wife about his location. She says he was in the office, but when Chase reveals he was at the hotel and could be very ill, it dawns on her that he was having yet another affair and says something along the lines of she hopes he dies. An agent finds a bloody tissue in the bathroom and they realize he is symptomatic. Meanwhile, One Night Stand Man visits a drug store, bumps into a few people, picks up a few products, bleeds on a dog, licks a few door knobs, and leaves for the Emergency Room.

Jack arrives back at CTU and Tony tells him about Kim's assignment. Jack is furious, having wanted to put on a dress and do the job himself, and rushes to confront Kim, saying that he gave her the job at CTU so he could make sure she didn't step in any more bear traps. But she says she likes bear traps and wants to do it and he has no choice. So he escorts her to the helicopter, gives her a gun and some advice (oh, those proud parent moments), and they fly off into the sunset, where he apologizes and then berates her about him being in charge in the field.

Palmer confesses all to his Cabinet, gets some harsh looks and frowns of consternation, but no help. And he asks the agency heads to "open their files" to CTU, which, you really think would've been done already.


[So sick of that whiny nose-curler from Season 3...let's get back to when CTU hired angry mysterious teenagers to do all the IT work! Besides Kalamity Kim...]

Chase calls in to say One Night Stand Man's wife is contained, and is of course angry and indignant that Kim has been sent into the field. One Night Stand Man meanwhile arrives at the hospital where they would like him to fill out some forms with the blood dripping from his nose. He notices the news report on the TV about some sort of badness going on at the hotel of pain, and rushes the desk claiming that he had been there. Then the nurse notices the wanted poster on the wall with his picture. There is much unhappiness all around.

Saunders gets verification from his goons of Chappelles death, and orders henchman 37 to keep watch over his daughter who is on her way to work. He then calls Palmer and orders him to provide a list of all foreign nationals employed as spies by the US. If he does not receive it within 1 hour, two more vials will be released.


[Say it with me now: Bitch-On-Wheels Alberta Green! Wahoooo!]

Kim is prepped with her new look by the twosome from What Not to Wear, and takes the place of Jane Saunders after a quick switch in the restroom. How did they get her unconscious body out of there? Kim stays behind the desk and works on not making eye contact with anyone. Jack notices Red Shirt Man apparently keeping an eye on her and tells Kim to avoid facing him. He comes to the desk allegedly asking for help, and Kim manages to put him off until another staff member can help him. She then gets up to re-shelve some books and get away from him.

Chase has located One Night Stand Man at the hospital and is unsuccessfully questioning him about how many people he has come in contact with since he left home. He's bleeding and confused. As Tony maps out the possible contamination, several people are unidentified and several neighborhoods could be in immediate jeopardy.


[I don't know, something about her spacey stare and wispy voice made me think she was on opiates all the time...which seems understandable, if you're going to date Jack... I mean, you know you're likely to end up duct taped to an office chair, electrocuted and neck-slashed...]

Jack questions Jane Saunders, who refuses to help, saying she doesn't know where her father is or how to contract him. He gets hardass when she asks for a lawyer and tells her he'll do whatever he needs get answers. He is interrupted by one of his agents when Red Shirt Man tries to get Kims help, but after she sneaks away they lose track of her on the security cameras.
Young Loner Guy approaches her with a bear trap hanging from his belt and asks for help finding a book. She tries to maintain her cover, but he drags her up an aisle and threatens her with a gun, saying he wants to know what happened to Jane Saunders. Jack storms the library as Young Loner Guy and Kim move outside, and Kim goes all medieval on him knocking the gun away and pulling out her own. In the struggle, Kim is disappointingly not shot, but her captor is, and as Jack runs up, she exclaims that Saunders is going to know that they have his daughter.


[and of course, Glen Morshower, Mr. Government Guy in every TV and film...anytime he walks into the room, we know it's serious. Palmer can't trust him, and yes, he can! No he can't! I don't know what to believe!]

So says VicBot!

:::

Also, in an article on Zap2It before Season 3 premiered, Dennis Haysbert was talking about his role as fictitious, policy-wavering politically-ambiguous and consistently-threatened President Palmer. He said this:

"I don't know why anybody would take a motorcade anywhere," Haysbert says. "If I was the president in Los Angeles, I'd get around in a Volkswagen."

You know, that's certainly THIS robot's philosophy.

self is: wrongrobot #

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